Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
