I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
