all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
