Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
