You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
