forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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