Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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