when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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