I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
