Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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