Where is the hickey?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
