Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The power of my boobs compel you
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
