I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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