I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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