do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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