Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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