I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
