saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
