I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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