Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
