Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
