I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
