I just saw a hot homeless man
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
