I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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