I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
