In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
