I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
