I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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