Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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