Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
