If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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