He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
