I haven't been this sober since birth.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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