Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You left your phone here
Wait...
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