I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
