It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
