Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
