She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
