Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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