dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
