margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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