So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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