OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
