there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
