She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
