Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
