went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
