I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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