Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
