Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
