I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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