Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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