I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
