Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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